Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
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