I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
