his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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