Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
