I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
