No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
