y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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