Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
