Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
