She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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