garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
