How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
