I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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