I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The feeling are messing with the penis
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
