i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
