I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
