i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
