I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
