I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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