4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
