My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
