I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
