I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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