I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
