dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
