just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
