They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
