how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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