true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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