meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
