i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
