Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it was like eating out sand paper
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
