im six kinds of drunk right now
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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