I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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