Even the bartender felt bad for me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
