it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
