Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
