Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think my fart just growled at me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
