He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
