so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
