Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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