I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
