I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
