look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
