its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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