mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
