There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
