dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
