Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
