Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
