Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
