The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
