I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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