At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
