I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I am available for nakedness
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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