Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i want to swaddle you in tequila
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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