tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize