No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Girls should come with a carfax report
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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