does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
