Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
