none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
