I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
