U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i think i just lost a toe
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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