I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize