Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
