also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
