OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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