ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
