Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
