cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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