She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
