I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize