She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
