I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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