Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
