Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
