Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My vagina is officially offended.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
